On Instagram I came across an account full of ‘inspirational’ slogans for International Women’s Day. A lot of rather angry slogans aimed at men – especially the white man and the Trump and Tate types. ‘Looking for a man without an opinion’, ‘vote for a non-man’, ‘patriarchy = misogyny’, ‘fuck off with your dick privilege’. But instead of a fighting spirit, I feel resistance.
Tomorrow I will join the march for International Women’s Day, and I thinking about what to put on my banner. Because I don’t want a message that pushes men further away from us. My biggest dream is that they will walk next to us tomorrow. Not as opponents, but as allies.
Not because women cannot fight this battle themselves, but because we have to be honest: we are not there yet. Men still earn more, 41% of women are financially dependent on their partner or the government, a woman is murdered every eight days and politics is largely in the hands of men.
And that is because the male emancipation has lagged behind. The deep-rooted power structures that limit women also keep men trapped in the masculine ideal. In that ideal, men must be strong and successful. Above all, they must not show too much emotion – because that is weak and something that only women (are allowed to) do. As long as caring and vulnerability are seen as ‘feminine’, men will remain trapped in the role of protector and leader and women in the role of caregiver and supporter.
These roles are deeply rooted in our society. As a girl, I learned early on to take care of myself and others and to share my emotions. I also learned that taking charge was not very useful, as people would see me as too dominant. It was only later, in my twenties and thirties, that I noticed how big the difference was with the men around me – boyfriends, male colleagues, brothers of friends, partners. Many of them had not been encouraged to be vulnerable and to develop caring qualities. What they did learn was how to take risks, how to lead, and how to assert their place. While I actually struggled with these ‘masculine’ skills, mainly because my environment preferred me to behave more feminine, I saw men struggling the other way around with showing and sharing their emotions. For exactly the same reason – they were not allowed to. I believe I have seen a man cry three times in my life. No joke.
Our ideas about masculinity and femininity are so deeply ingrained that they shape how families are structured (which still prevents many women from achieving financial independence), how success is rewarded (which still allows men to earn more), and how we view gender norms (which perpetuates violence against women and LGBTQ+ people).
As long as caring and emotional expression are seen as something ‘feminine’ and men are not encouraged to be empathetic and caring from childhood, it will remain an undervalued task and the main responsibility of women. We also see this reflected in the way we organise our politics and policy, where the ‘caring gaze’ is often lacking. Policy that is still largely determined by men and increasingly by a right-wing perspective. And that is a major problem with many implications for almost everyone here on earth.
We live in a system in which profit maximisation, competition and individual performance are more important than care, well-being and community spirit. We do not change this system by simply putting more women at the top, but by fundamentally changing our thinking about what makes a society strong. We need men who are given – and take – the space to care. Men who want to contribute to a society in which caring for each other and our planet is central so that we can build a future-proof society, in which the next generations can also live happily.
That is what International Women’s Day is all about for me. I am not walking through the streets for my own women’s ‘battle’. I am walking through the streets for every person on this planet who wants to be freed from the oppressive system in which we live. For every person who wants freedom and equality. For every person who believes that ‘care’ should be the most important value in our society.
So what do I put on my banner? In any case, not an angry message, because I don’t believe this way I will inspire men to join the fight for emancipation. If you identify as a man and read this, you may wonder what International Women’s Day and terms like emancipation and feminism have to do with you. And that is logical, because it sounds like women’s issues.
And yet there are also a lot of men who are ready for it, and who still do not participate in the feminist march. Could that be because they do not feel welcome in the debate, which can sometimes seem rather hostile to men (like the banners)? Perhaps because emancipation is less concrete for men: what is men’s emancipation and ‘how do you do it’? Perhaps also because participating in a feminist march means that as a man you take a position that is not yet the social norm – and that is quite scary.
The question is, how do we make emancipation and feminism not just about women but about all of us? That is what we need to talk about. We also need to focus on emancipation of men, because it will solve a lot of the problems we as women have and all other humans who do not identify as a cisgender man.
Isn’t it time to redefine Women’s Day? Not just as a day for women, but as a day on which we collectively reflect on emancipation in the broadest sense. A day on which we not only stand up for women’s rights, but for the liberation of all humans – including men – from restrictive ideals and role patterns. A day on which we think about how we can organize our education system, our work culture and our politics in such a way that we all learn to care and to be vulnerable. Because if men are also given (and will take) the space to emancipate themselves, we can build a more equal future together.